The eX factor

The eX factor – let go and move on with your life!

No, I am not talking about the TV show, I’m talking about all the ex’s in our lives.

At my age I can say, there are some on my list. Actually really good men, intelligent, funny, lovable.
Why I’m coming up with this topic? Just a few days ago I was reading a headline : “How to win your ex back”.
And i thought: Why would you want to win your ex back? What would be a good reason to run after your past?

Because you are afraid of being alone for a while? Or because you think you’re going to be single for ever? Or because you think he is the best and you’ll never get a better one? Because your self esteem is super low due to your past relationships? Because you think that life is cheating on you and you just got the “shitty ones”? Or because you think you don’t deserve any better and you should take WHATEVER runs your way?

There was a reason you two split up. Either he broke up with you, or you broke up with him. FOR WHATEVER REASON. Maybe he/she was selfish, self centered and success driven. Maybe he/she was expecting you to be someone from his/her fantasy – kind of Wonder Woman or Superman. Maybe he/she was cheating on you and lived a double life with his/her “ex”. Maybe he/she was an workaholic and never had time for you. Maybe he/she was your best friend and you loved to travel with him/her, but you two were not in a “lovers” relationship. Maybe it wasn’t the right time. Maybe you were not ready. Maybe he/she was not ready. So many MAYBE’s. You see what I’m getting at?

Once in a while, life gives you lemons… make lemonade out of it!
Try to find the real reason you two split, in each and every relationship you had. Try to understand what went well and what was different than your expectations. Find the REAL reason. How did you contribute to that relationship and to the development of it.
Now as you’re done with it and emotionally not involved anymore, or less involved, try to separate your ego, your perception of your past relationships, from the reality. Or what you thought was reality. You’re going to see yourself differently, you’re going to understand. Who are you in a relationship? Do you change your personality? Do you ADAPT to the circumstances just to be loved? Are you in an unhappy relationship, just because you are afraid to be alone? Or because you are “used” to being in that relationship?
Whatever the reason is, think about yourself. Think about your happiness.
What makes you feel happy? Don’t say “my partner”… please! If your happiness is always depending on others, you are never going to be really, truly, genuinely happy.
You need to know your own needs: what makes you happy without circumstances? Try to dig there. You’ll find some precious, hidden, treasure.

Sometimes you might realise that you were simply not ready for each other at a certain point in both of your lives. That’s ok. If he/she is THE ONE for you, it’s going to happen anyway. No matter how long you didn’t see each other, no matter who else is in both your lives. When you are ready for each other, it’s going to happen. No doubt! Just be easy on that and trust life. Trust your intuition, trust God or the universe, whoever or whatever you believe in. BUT don’t run after your past. Live now and make the best of today. Your today’s thoughts are creating your tomorrow. So, be aware what you’re chasing after today. Living in the past, thinking about the past, costs you precious, delicious moments of today… and who knows?! Maybe the RIGHT one is crossing your way today!



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